


Stronger

by texaswatermelon



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 03:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texaswatermelon/pseuds/texaswatermelon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>There were things about Laura that Amanda wished she knew.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stronger

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Saw II. AU, since Laura isn't dead. Also, this is one of my older stories, which is code for: it sucks.

There were things about Laura that Amanda wished she knew.  Questions that she desperately wanted to ask, but could never quite find the voice for them.  How many siblings do you have?  What are your parents like?  Where did you grow up?  How did you end up in this shithole?  Why did you go to jail?  What’s your middle name? Who were your friends?  What do you want to do with your life?  What were you like _before_?

It was this last question that plagued Amanda’s mind the most.  She tried to imagine Laura maybe two years ago, before any of this misfortune had befallen her.  She could picture her dressed in tight jeans and some cute little top, surrounded by three or four girls just like her, the center of attention.  She would be the kind of girl that guys would buy drinks for at a bar, and she would drink them just because they were free, but would never go home with them.  She would get in someone’s face if they pissed her off, too small to really defend herself, but with an attitude that packed a punch.  She imagined her fighting and yelling and swearing all the way to the police station, trying her absolute hardest to get the handcuffs off.  She was a thief, Amanda thought.  Not guilty of any real crime, but taking things that didn’t belong to her for the thrill, to feel alive.  It was the reason she herself had done drugs.  It was the reason people did anything these days.  Not a real crime, just a stupid move.

She pictured Laura being full of life.  Hardheaded and strong-willed, not easily swayed from what she wanted.  Amanda admired these things in her imaginary Laura.  But if she had ever been, she wasn’t any of these things now.  She was tired, and a little bit paranoid.  She had nightmares, the kind that had her tossing and turning and begging for forgiveness almost every night.  Amanda had nightmares, too, but hers just had her waking up in a cold sweat.  Laura’s were loud and pitiful, and they broke what was left of her already pulverized heart.  Amanda felt kind of guilty about these things.  It was partially her fault.

The one thing that Laura had left over from what Amanda imagined she used to be like was her passion.  She was an amazing lover, a fact that Amanda knew well.  Sometimes she would grip onto Amanda so tightly that she wondered if the girl didn’t consider her to be some sort of lifeline.  And maybe she was, but it wasn’t like Laura didn’t return the favor.  But a part of her was sad and broken, destroyed, and possibly irreparable.

“You know that saying, ‘what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger,’” Laura asked one night, looking at Amanda through the darkness of their bedroom.  Amanda didn’t look over, but she nodded.  “It’s not true.  I don’t feel strong at all.”  For a long time, Amanda didn’t respond.  And then, after what seemed like an eternity, she turned her head and looked into Laura’s eyes, still a bright, glinting blue, even in the shadows.

“I’ll be strong for you.”

It was the only commitment that she could make.  She would never be able to tell anyone that she loved them.  In her own strange way she supposed she did love Laura.  She was pretty sure she loved John too, in a different way entirely.  They had both saved her in some shape or form.  They had both given her some kind of purpose.  But these were things that Amanda could never really say.  And so she did the only thing she could for either of them.  She stayed strong.


End file.
